linda may

May 13 Nate goes to 2 different bike stores that sell used kids bikes to find a our 12 year-old a larger bike so her knees aren’t hitting the handle bars! He finally finds a nice used Trek on craigslist for $245- our daughter likes it, and the guy lets him have it for $225. One more item checked off the approved purchases list.

May 14 At work my boss surprises me by offering me a “new” job (same job, same title, just part of a re-org) which comes with a 1% raise. I accept without thinking, making a note of the years of experience she says were calculated into my placement on the pay scale. Afterwards I realize I am only getting credit for 10 years of management experience – but I have closer to 16. I message my boss, who says she will pass on the info to our compensation team in HR. I wait.

May 15 I have some back and forth with HR about my salary and years of experience that makes me upset and anxious. I ask my boss if we can discuss; she suggests we talk at 5. When I call her she doesn’t pick up.

A few months ago, I went down a rabbit hole researching investment costs. From this I realized the fees I was paying to Edward Jones to manage some of my retirement investments was much higher than if I used an online Fidelity, Schwab or Vanguard account. So this week I move my IRA to Vanguard, liquidated most of the old investments, and purchased index funds that track the S&P 500 with super-low expense ratios of .03 and .04 (the industry average is – depending who you ask, and which type of investement you have – anywhere between .5% to .1%, or $50 to $10 per every $10,000 invested). By comparison, my Vanguard index funds will cost me $3-4 dollars per $10,000 I invest. Over time this adds up.)

May 16 I wait to hear back from HR or my boss about my salary. Towards the end of the day, I send an email to HR and my boss outlining my understanding of my placement on the payscale, and I attach my most current resume. I send a Teams chat asking them to review the email. No response. Knowing my boss is going on vacation next week, I am fairly confident she’ll respond before she leaves.

May 17 Today is the day I really, truly break my no-spend.

I work for a few hours, hoping to hear back from my boss. I see a few emails from her about other things but nothing resolving my salary anxiety.

I drive the 5 hours to Ashland, looking forward to a girls weekend with an old friend from college. I know she won’t arrive until after 8 o’clock, so I park in the plaza and walk to my favorite bookstore. I find a used copy of a book my dad lent me about writing called Writing Down the Bones, which has been helping me in my writing practice. This purchase ($7.50) falls into the category of “c. stuff you need in order to make/create/knit/sew/bake/brew/ferment BUT you have to try to borrow it first, or buy it secondhand.” So, I borrowed it from my dad, and then found a secondhand copy, and it’s something that is helping me create. The fact that I found a pristine used copy of this particular book makes me extra happy.

Then I saunter up the hill to a locally owned boutique I remember from my last visit – and as soon as I walk in I know I’m in trouble. I start gathering up shirts and dresses to try on. I actually find a perfect black long-sleeve t-shirt on sale for $20, something from my approved purchase list. The problem is, there is also one in my size in olive green, which I know I will wear under sweaters next fall and winter. And I find a form-fitting pale green cowl-neck shirt that I absolutely love. It’s soft, it’s a gorgeous color, it’s a perfect fit. I feel happy as soon as I put it on. And I try on a loose-fitting blue cotton dress WITH POCKETS that is the same color as my eyes. I love how it makes me look. It brings a smile to my face. There is also a lovely rattan beach bag with leather handles I can put everything in for $40. I spend $175 on these 5 items, 4 of which definitely were not allowed.

In the end, I feel good about it! And here’s why: Each item was something I really liked, that I felt expressed my personal style, that was made locally, that was a fair price, and that fit me perfectly. And this is the difference: I made the purchase with gusto, and not guilt. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know I have failed in some way in my no-spend endeavor, but also I have experienced something rare, for me at least: I have made a “hell, yes” purchase and not a “just OK” purchase.

As I walk out the door, I spy a handbag with wooden handles and colorful lining I know I will be thinking about all weekend.

I drive to the Airbnb and unpack. I put a few essentials in my gorgeous new bag and throw a copy of Macbeth on top. I take myself to a nearby bistro with tables in a gorgeous outdoor garden. I eat overpriced scallops, sip a half glass of white wine, and read Shakespeare in the warm early evening air.

Back at the cottage, I realize I have failed to pack any face moisturizer, sunscreen or hair styling product – did I learn nothing from my last trip?? I spend $80 at the Ashland Co-Op on organic personal care items. I wonder if this is part of the reason I have accumulated a ridiculous amount of lotion and other toiletries – a pattern of bringing home a few new items each time I travel when I forget something.

May 18 Saturday – In our pajamas over our morning tea, Ella and I share our work woes. I tell her all of the boring (but agonizing to me) details of the back-and-forth about my salary negotiation, that my boss is now officially on vacation without helping me to resolve, and she is the best listener. She asks all the right questions. We get dressed and walk to Noble Coffee where everyone is impossibly handsome, well-preserved, and somehow projects a kind of touseled and tan, devil-may-care, earth-toned linen Ashland style. All your coastal grandmothers and artists in overalls and chunky glasses are belong to us.

We make our way towards the plaza and Ella takes us into a local fabric store. The selection of linens is overwhelming. There is one with a poppy print for $40/yard that I hold in my arms for just a little too long… In the end I can’t think of what I would make from it – and I’m not sure it is soft enough (I’ve been burned on scratchy linen before, making an entire dress before realizing it felt like wearing a burlap bag). And then in the remnants I see 2.5 yards of a lovely purple tie-dye in a super soft bamboo jersey. At $20 it’s a steal (about $8/yard) and I know I can make an awesome drapey shirt out of it. I buy it, committing to a new sewing project in the next 2 weeks.

We find a table by the river at Louie’s – which has 4 stars on Yelp. It appears to just be a local bar & grill, but they have lots of vegetarian and gluten free options, and the people-watching by the river makes the location perfect. We take way too many selfies, and our Thai chicken salad endive “canoes” are delicious.

We go back to the boutique where I broke my no-spend and I buy the bag with the wooden handles. Down the street, Ella buys an incredible pair of neon pink overalls for a ridiculous price, but they are so right for her. I try on a few more dresses, and I’m tempted, but the one I like best shows too much of the skin around my armpits. I have a thing about that, and this makes the dress not perfect. So I do not buy.

We find the world’s best yarn store and spend half an hour admiring the most extensive collection of high-quality yarn either of us can remember seeing under one roof. They also sell clothing and I resist a couple of $160 linen dresses. Ella points out some great embroidery scissors on display. I realize I have an old, dull, rusty secondhand pair of these in the bottom of my sewing basket I’d like to replace. I forego the tradtional stork design and opt for a matte gold pair at the very reasonable price of $10.

After the requisite afternoon bubble tea, we go back to our cottage for snacks and a brief nap (neither of us slept well last night) then get ready to go out for dinner and the Oregon Shakespeare Festival production of Macbeth.

We have an incredible pair of mocktails at the bar of an Indonesian place overlooking main street. Dinner is delicious. The play is incredible – truly scary as Macbeth should be – using music and dance to haunting effect. We stop for ice cream afterwards and experience the weird wholesome buzz of a local ice cream shop on main street that has just flooded with theatergoers at 10 o’clock at night.

May 19 We meet my parents for a late brunch. Afterwards, we stroll up main street where ella and my mom are drawn into a crystal shop. I think I will not be tempted, but I end up buying incense and room spray ($32). Is fragrance a “thing?” or an “experience?” Ella and I stop at the Ashland Co-Op for road snacks, embrace, and go our separate ways.