linda may

Even the term, “work-life balance,” seems a bit unbalanced. As though our lives are half work, half life, and all we have to do is juggle the two! Actually, our lives have many aspects: emotional, intellectual, physical, social, financial, occupational, environmental, spiritual, creative – each of these areas is an important piece of the whole that makes up our lives. Which is why I like to talk about “whole life balance,” and I often coach my clients to spend time assessing all of the areas that contribute to their health & wellness.

And what even is balance? To me, balance is the state of seeking wholeness, making time for our playful, creative and spiritual selves, and being in touch with our priorities and our purpose.

Our lives in the 2020s have become so complex, and we have so much coming at us: news and information, advertising for products and services, pressures to be perfect and succeed financially and support our families all at the same time. It’s no wonder we lose sight of how to truly live a life that feels whole. We live in an unbalanced world! You may have already heard advice about how to live a healthier, more balanced life: get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, make time for self care, etc. If these things were easy, we’d already be doing them! Chances are, if you have a really good exercise regimen, or a really great diet, it didn’t happen easily or overnight. You likely went through some trial and error to overcome obstacles that prevented your adoption of this new, healthy habit.

Tip #1: Understand the impact of American culture on your habits: Before making any change, recognizing that you operate in an environment and a culture that will make the change difficult is key. Not only that, but your brain will be seeking the comfort and ease of your existing routine at every turn, until your new habit is established. Acknowledging that finding balance may, at first, make you, your brain, and sometimes, others around you, uncomfortable, is half the battle. Begin by recognizing there will be obstacles and that our culture and your brain will send you messages to stop and go back to working late, spending more time on screens, saying yes to more projects or clients, and checking email after the work day ends. What I’m saying is this: working to achieve balance is subversive.

Our dominant work culture is deeply rooted in values of having a “strong work ethic” and rugged individualism, where the American dream tells us that anyone coming from any circumstances can succeed through hard work. Working long hours and “going above and beyond” is incentivized and modeled by leaders and organizations. We often absorb these values and absorb a tendency to push ourselves into overwork – and overwhelm. Setting boundaries at work is not a skill we learn in school. Many of us learn this lesson (if at all) the hard way: after years of grinding, being taken advantage of, and sometimes pushing ourselves to the brink of a breakdown. The earlier we learn when and how to say “no” at work, the sooner we can find balance.

Tip #2: Consider how much of your identity is based on your work: American culture emphasizes individual professional achievement as our end goal, as “success.” We find meaning and worth through our work. To some degree, this may bring satisfaction, but we are living through an epidemic of overwork, burnout and overwhelm. Our identities are so bound up in our work; the first question you may be asked when you meet someone new is, “What do you do?” The assumption is that you’ll answer with your job title. Many of us spend much more than 40 hours at work each week. I’m thinking about teachers, nonprofit leaders and social workers, who are drawn to their professions because they are so invested in the mission. So many health & education professionals and public servants work 50-60 hours out of a sense of service and duty to their communities, but the list could include many other professions. Sometimes we need to reflect on what we value and what we believe is our true purpose – not just the purpose of our job or organization – but our purpose as a human with a short amount of time on this planet. Ask yourself these questions: What are you sacrificing to succeed at work? What would you love to spend more time doing? And, What would you like to be remembered for?

Tip #3: Think of your life as a pie chart to achieve balance and wholeness. If your life was a pie chart, how much of it would be occupied by work? How much would be occupied by family? And what slivers would be left over for creative pursuits and other activities that contribute to your wellness? Baking? Gardening? Reading a good book? Painting? Dancing? Taking a brisk walk? Refinishing an old piece of furniture? I believe each of us has at least 1 creative thing that we love. We may have forgotten what it is, but it’s there. We just have to push back the giant piece of work pie crowding out our balance.

Tip #4: Devote time to your loved ones and nurture your relationships. The evidence is overwhelming that the number one factor influencing our happiness is the quality of our relationships. So, remember to make time for family, friends and social time, and take time to reflect on what you are grateful for in those relationships. In the end, being in community and feeing a sense of belonging gives us balance.